Spring reflections

This time of year - the spring - always manages to make me very reflective about things. I find myself melancholy over endings, excited for beginnings, and just generally very thoughtful about my life. I'm not sure when this started, or why it always seems to happen at the same time each year, but it does. And, let me tell you, being thoughtful makes me tired.

I can't help but think about the things that have happened in the past year. Most people do this at New Year's, but the teacher in me measures years from the end of school to the end of school. So, here I am, enjoying sunshine during April vacation. I'm taking stock of everything I have to be thankful for, but that also means revisiting the things that have hurt. When I finish these kinds of musings, I'm always hopeful, but the process isn't always super fun.

The spring makes me miss my Mom. Her birthday is at the end of April, and then mother's day comes, so ... I mean, that's hard. Most of the time, I'm fine. Most of the time, I miss her, and I don't notice because that's a constant thing for me. But, on special days, I notice because I miss her just a little more. And, it scares me, sometimes, that I can't remember how her voice sounded or what her hugs were like. It never occurred to me, when she was sick, that there would "lasts". A last smile or laugh or hug or kiss. You just don't think about those things, you know? And then, when you try to remember, you can't.

And then, in spring, there are endings. The end of another school year, which brings about goodbyes. This year has been tough professionally and personally, but no matter how tough a class of kids are, they're mine by June and it's tough to let them go. People move on, that's what we do, but it never makes it easier to say goodbye to people who are important. I hope to be able to stay in contact with the people in whom I invest my time and energy, but sometimes life gets in the way and that doesn't work out.

So, all of this could potentially make me sound depressed. I'm not. I promise. A little blue? Yes, I am. But, as with all things, this shall pass. It always does. I can get lost inside my own thoughts, sometimes, and forget about all of the things going on around me and how fantastic those are. I think it's important to stop and take stock of life, and I guess that's what I'm doing. I'm pausing, looking at myself and my life, and deciding what things need to be sent away after spring cleaning. The "baggage" that accumulates in a year needs to be sifted through - most of it isn't worth the storage space. Some if it is, if only to wait and see what comes from it.