Revisiting journals

I was revisiting some old journals I had written, and came across this one. It's till particularly relevant despite a whole year having gone by.

I need to find some balance. Not the kind where I don't fall over standing up, although that would be nice as well. I need the kind of balance where I can handle all of the things in my life without feeling as though something is going to give at any moment. That's where I am - waiting for something to fall.

I am a busy, busy girl. I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes all I want is to curl up in my bed with a good book or movie and some ice cream (or cake). There's never time for that, though. Or, if I find a few spare moments for it, I feel guilty using them for that purpose. When I sit and just relax, I find myself thinking about the laundry I could do, the chores Nana needs done, the grading or planning I could get ahead on for school. It's a never ending list, and I don't even have kids, yet. And I do want them someday.

I think part of my problem with feeling so much pressure all of the time is that I overbook myself and I also put too much energy into EVERYTHING, which inevitably means somethings fall to the side. Usually it's my mental health and well-being that get left behind - like right now.

No matter how many times I go through this little cycle (overbooked, underbooked, overbooked), I never learn. I still commit myself to too many things. I try to do it all, and do it all really well. I'm learning to balance my life more. I've learned to say no when I'm doubting whether or not I actually have time. I've learned to make priorities even when everything seems like one. But, I still do too much. Vacation is almost over, and I'm not sure what I've done, but I know that not one day has been spent on the couch with a book or my journal. Errands call, friends must be met, and the house needs to be ready for the impending family Easter. It's exhausting in a lot of ways, but I also can't imagine being any other way.