Just. Keep. Swimming.

What I should be doing right now? Planning my lesson for AP tomorrow.
What I'm actually going to do right now? Commiserate over the stress that is September.

September sounds great ... all year, I think to myself how amazing this month is. The weather is so beautiful (most of the time). I love the smell of school. It's the threshold to fall, my favorite season. And then it actually comes. September is hell.

There are new routines and schedules to learn. There's homecoming to plan, supervise, and survive. I have to learn new names. I have to put up with construction (granted, this is a one-year deal, but if you think it's no big one come spend an hour in my portable with two jackhammers going all. damn. day).

I can't wait for this month to end. I think I like October better. We'll see if that holds up when I get there.

Aloha!

It's ironic that the first thing I could think of for a title to this post indicates paradise and/or vacation. I have enjoyed neither this summer. I haven't been in the opposite of paradise, but I have had next to no vacation at all. Instead, I rather foolishly committed to many, many things that have taken up just about every day of what should have been a well-enjoyed vacation. Here's what I've done this summer:

1. Traveled up an down the east coast so that my Best Friend (ahem, Goddaughter) could visit.
2. Mentored for the writing project at UMaine.
3. Spent a week at an AP institute so I can be prepared for my new class.
4. Spent 1 day at the beach and 1 at the coast.
5. Taken care of things on the home front (Nana, doggy, house, etc).
6. Zumba (okay, okay. That was pretty fun).

I'm not complaining, because it's been joyous to sleep in and spend time away from my classroom. However, I do think I need to make it a priority to do things for myself over vacations. I'm ready for school in some ways - I like having a schedule, meeting new kids, seeing my colleagues. It's just tough to look at the calendar and realize that in 2 weeks I have to go back to school. But, if I survived last year, I can survive pretty much anything!

8 days ...

School is over for the year in just 8 days. 8 long, excruciating, dull days and I'll be on vacation for a few months. This stretch of school is seriously looking like it will never end. There's so much to do, but I don't have the time, or the energy.

Right now it's a balmy 80-degrees in my classroom, and I'm super tired. It's going to be 90 tomorrow (hello flashback to the first days of the year). If I can make it through tomorrow's heat wave I might have some hope ... I guess we'll see what happens.

With any luck tomorrow will include thunderstorms and loads of rain to cool us off.

Poetry in my classroom

I started a unit on poetry in creative writing today. We read a nice essay by Natalie Goldberg, then played poetry poker. I'm not sure how, but one of the boys in my class came up with quite the poem. About periods. As the kids were rearranging the lines they created from their poker cards, this particular young man waved me over and said, "Ms. D, how would you .... uh, what would you say period smells like?"

I lost it. I mean, yay that he was comfortable enough with me to ask that questions, but ewwww. As a class, after much laughter, we (the 16 girls in a class of 19) decided to tell him iron. He tweaked the poem and we were treated to this:

The Red Storm

It's a dreadful dark storm that smells of iron.

Red ooze for breakfast, ensuing chaos

What an arousing ceremony.

Though I stumble and fear the heavy flow.

Velvet fruit and leaping rain. Oh the aroma!

The slippery red stream was a glorious ceremony.

My day, dare I say week, have been made. Creative writing ... oh dear.

Oh, yeah ... just because we were silly, I ended by sharing this poem with the students.

Connection

I really need to read some of my creative writing kids' short stories, but I'm in the mood to write. And when the mood hits, and there are a few moments to spare, I need to take advantage. So, here it goes.

I started this blog with the intention of making about my teaching life, but lately I've come to the undeniable conclusion that my life and my teaching life cannot be separated. Indeed, they are synonymous. I guess I've always known that being a teacher is about more than just the time in school, and I've embraced that in a lot of ways. But, I got to thinking today about reading people and how, as a teacher and a person, that is so damn confusing sometimes.

So, let me back up. I was talking to another teacher today and he paid me quite the compliment. He basically said that hiring me was one of the better things the school I'm at had done in a while. That I brought new energy and new things. I mean, I definitely think that things started to change when I got my school, but it certainly wasn't all me. I've had the supreme honor of working with a group of new teachers who are fabulous. Our beliefs line up, we are the job, and we do everything we can to kick butt at it. So, anyway, the thing I'm getting at from this conversation is that I do - I think - try to go above and beyond for my work. I really don't do things half way; just not in my nature. One of the things I have to constantly work on and train myself in is the reading of people.

I've always considered myself pretty intuitive when it comes to ascertaining what others are thinking and feeling - I think because I myself am such an emotional person. When I feel it, I own it. So, I can see the signs in other people. As a teacher, I do this all day long. In my life outside school I do it a lot as well. But, it occurred to me today, I'm not as good at it as I think. People are complex.

Yes, I can look at someone and decided whether they're happy or sad, angry or pleased, and lots of other things. And, I can generally tell whether or not someone likes me. I often try to decided what people are thinking too, and I can't.

Isn't it crazy that for every student, friend, or even stranger I can read there's another that totally baffles me? It's both beautiful and frustrating that people are so complex. And, I wonder, how well others read me. I assume that it's easy to know what I'm feeling and thinking, but perhaps just as much as some people confuse me, I evade their understanding.

I don't know ... I just paused today and realized that it's a real source of angst for me when I can't tell what someone is thinking or feeling. Maybe it's because I emote so much and so often and so openly that I expect that of others. It's not realistic, and I know that, but the emotional side of me feels (see, there I go with feelings) that unless we share our emotions, we aren't really, genuinely connected as human beings.

One word

One word and
I'd be yours.
One word and
I'd give you forever.
One word and
I'd be happy.
Make you happy.
Always.

One word and
it would be we.
Not you and me,
not he and she, but
us.

One word and
you could have it all,
my heart
my love
my trust.

One word and
we could be.

miss you

i want to be mad at you.
want to scream at you
punch you
hold it against you.

i want to loath you.
need to remind myself why
you
suck.

i want to say mean things to you.
to mean it when i call you a jerk,
an ass,
a typical, self-absorbed, emotionally stunted boy.

i want to make you feel bad.
feel rejected
dejected
neglected
(even in your dreams).

But,
i can't.
two little words -
miss you
make it
impossible. because

i miss you too.