Connection

I really need to read some of my creative writing kids' short stories, but I'm in the mood to write. And when the mood hits, and there are a few moments to spare, I need to take advantage. So, here it goes.

I started this blog with the intention of making about my teaching life, but lately I've come to the undeniable conclusion that my life and my teaching life cannot be separated. Indeed, they are synonymous. I guess I've always known that being a teacher is about more than just the time in school, and I've embraced that in a lot of ways. But, I got to thinking today about reading people and how, as a teacher and a person, that is so damn confusing sometimes.

So, let me back up. I was talking to another teacher today and he paid me quite the compliment. He basically said that hiring me was one of the better things the school I'm at had done in a while. That I brought new energy and new things. I mean, I definitely think that things started to change when I got my school, but it certainly wasn't all me. I've had the supreme honor of working with a group of new teachers who are fabulous. Our beliefs line up, we are the job, and we do everything we can to kick butt at it. So, anyway, the thing I'm getting at from this conversation is that I do - I think - try to go above and beyond for my work. I really don't do things half way; just not in my nature. One of the things I have to constantly work on and train myself in is the reading of people.

I've always considered myself pretty intuitive when it comes to ascertaining what others are thinking and feeling - I think because I myself am such an emotional person. When I feel it, I own it. So, I can see the signs in other people. As a teacher, I do this all day long. In my life outside school I do it a lot as well. But, it occurred to me today, I'm not as good at it as I think. People are complex.

Yes, I can look at someone and decided whether they're happy or sad, angry or pleased, and lots of other things. And, I can generally tell whether or not someone likes me. I often try to decided what people are thinking too, and I can't.

Isn't it crazy that for every student, friend, or even stranger I can read there's another that totally baffles me? It's both beautiful and frustrating that people are so complex. And, I wonder, how well others read me. I assume that it's easy to know what I'm feeling and thinking, but perhaps just as much as some people confuse me, I evade their understanding.

I don't know ... I just paused today and realized that it's a real source of angst for me when I can't tell what someone is thinking or feeling. Maybe it's because I emote so much and so often and so openly that I expect that of others. It's not realistic, and I know that, but the emotional side of me feels (see, there I go with feelings) that unless we share our emotions, we aren't really, genuinely connected as human beings.