Pass and Fail

I have failed, for the last few weeks, at keeping this thing updated. It's not because I've given up, it's because the year has been so hectic.

There are good weeks, and then there are weeks when I wonder what I was thinking becoming a teacher. I frequently miss former students, sometimes whole classes.

I have especially begun missing my first group of kids ever. They are juniors now, and thanks to facebook I'm still able to keep tabs on them. Most of the time that's wonderful, but other times it makes me incredibly sad. I miss them, and I find myself wondering what kind of, if any, impression I left on them. Did I really teach them anything? Did they leave my classroom knowing more, or as better people?

I want the answer to that to be yes, but how can I ever really know the answer? It's something I struggle with when thinking of past and present students. I teach them, I hope; I give them assessments and grade those; but, really, what is the measure of my success as a teacher? What test or essay or project can indicate whether or not I am effective?

One of the things that make my job rewarding is when, like today, a former student walks into my room saying, "I need help with this essay." I feel special, and important, when they come back to me for support. Is that wrong? Is it strange that I want my students to need me for more than just what happens in my room?

I love it when K. comes to me to vent about her English teacher, and I have to hug her because she's crying. It makes my day when a student I've never even had for class walks into my room and says, "Can I just vent for a minute?" I feel important and needed when D. comes in at 3:30 needing help with her Separate Peace paper. I don't want these kids to feel sad or angry or any other negative emotion, but when they do, and they come to me - there's nothing quite like it.

So ... I guess what this whole post means is that I've been so busy trying to make sure I'm doing a good job at my job that I've failed to post anything here.