I spent all of last week in my first "official" graduate school class. The credits that I earned last summer count, but I wasn't admitted to a master's program yet, so that's where the "official" comes in. Back to this class thing ... it was NeWI (Northeast Writing Institute), and while the week was a struggle at many times, I was really happy in the end.
I spent the whole week with 12 other teachers, and writers exploring my own writing in the hopes of becoming a better teacher of writing. Having completed the Maine Writing Project Summer Institute last year, I have a background in the power of finding a group to share work with. We spent three weeks in the SI building trust, and sharing so when I showed my work to my writing group there, I was showing my work to a family. NeWI was different. Monday and Tuesday were a huge struggle for me.
Monday morning was great - meeting everyone, and reconnecting with my favorite teacher, Emilie. As a group, we talked about what makes writing hard and what makes it easy (an activity I did last summer). I was very much intrigued with that discussion, and plan to write another post about how we make writing hard for our students. Later on Monday, I was set loose to write. About anything I wanted, in whatever genre I chose. That was way too much freedom for me. Way. Too. Much. I literally spent the better part of the day creating random, lousy starts to pieces that would go nowhere. When I left on Monday, I went to school and picked up some books on writing with the hope that they would inspire me. Not so much. Terrible day, with nothing but a headache to show for it.
I went back on Tuesday feeling a little better, because I had decided to develop this post into something. It haunted me while I searched for something, so I figured I needed to work it. Tuesday morning was totally productive, and I just got it all out. I sent the draft to Mel and she gave me some great suggestions, which took me into Wednesday, where I hit the next hurdle.
Wednesday we were encouraged to pair or group up and begin workshopping. I didn't think I'd have trouble finding someone, but I did. We all shared what we were working on, and since mine lacked direction at that point, I was sort of left out when people began pairing up. I can take responsibility for that in some ways since I didn't really put myself out there all the way. But, I was left alone, and was so not productive. I did eat lunch with this year's MWPSI fellows, though, and felt energized by them.
Thursday I got guts. I sat down with Dave in the morning, and got some great feedback and advice about direction for my essay. I worked that, and then I sat down with Emilie. I knew her advice would be great, and helpful. I often think back to where I really learned to write, with my own voice and style, and it was her class. So, to be able to work with her again, in a different way was gratifying on so many levels.
She picked out problems I knew I had, but also had some great advice about how to address those problems. She helped me to give my essay some real shape and purpose in a way I don't think I would have done without "permission".
I was really, really happy with the essay I wrote, in large part thanks to the advice from Emilie. She told me to let myself be a little self-gratifying; to go ahead and say that I'm a good teacher. And that became the best part of my essay because it's what I was trying to say, but wasn't sure I should. The gist of my piece is this: I find saying goodbye to my student every year hard; I get so attached that in the end, it hurts. Letting myself become attached to students is what makes me a good teacher. And the best part of my job is that I get to fall in love with it every single year.
I was very humbled during my conversation with Emilie. It began as an essay about hope, and turned into an essay about how the best teachers let themselves care. The highlight of my week came at the end of our conference; the best teacher I have ever had looked at me and said, "It make me so happy that you're the kind of teacher you are."
It wound up being a really satisfying week for me. I love the essay I ended with, and really enjoyed what everyone else wrote as well. I'm excited to get the anthology they're going to make for us.
No comments:
Post a Comment