What is this feeling?

I spent the better part of today feeling a little empty. I can pinpoint why, too, which makes me feel a little better.

With school starting there are several things that I find myself thinking about and thus feeling kind of sad and ... empty.

1. I am returning school, which is exciting in many ways. However, the return to school also reminds me of the amazing people I was fortunate enough to work with this summer with the Maine Writing Project. For three weeks (four counting our virtual week), we talked and laughed and brainstormed and just generally had fun, all while becoming better teachers. The energy I felt from and with all of the Fellows was so motivating, and I'm missing that motivation as I prepare for students. I definitely still have some left from those weeks, but wish that I found the same kind of motivation and inspiration at my school.

2. While missing my MWP friends, my other friends are slowly leaving for school. Michelle, Tony, Coty, and Sarah have already left. Madi leaves next week. Aimee is home this year, which is definitely grrrrrreat. BUT, between her work/rehearsal schedule and my school schedule I don't know how often we'll get together.

And so ... empty. Not altogether lost, but a little empty. I just get so attached so quickly ... and that attachment often isn't reciprocated. The combination makes for some heartache for me, but I don't think I would change it. When I'm in the moment with people, it's totally worth it.

Lasting Effects

This morning, while I was walking the dog, I got to thinking about all of the people who have been in my life. All of the family, friends, teachers, EVERYONE. For me, people are HUGE. I know I wouldn't be the person I am without every single person who has ever been a part of my life. The thing I wondered, and wonder, about is whether it's the same for everyone.

When I think about my life 10 years ago (that would be 15, going into sophomore year) I can remember Tina and Joe. They were people who lived in my neighborhood, and who were very important in my life at that time. Joe was my best friend, and Tina - his mom - was like another Mom to me. We've lost touch. I haven't seen or heard from either of them in about 8 years. But, they are still important to me. I have fond memories of them both and learned a lot about myself from each of them.

5 years ago I would have been in college. I would be going into a second semester at UMF after a transfer from UVM. Marty, Kate, Dith, and Rachael are just a FEW of the VTers who were (or are) important to me. Kerry, Erin, Jordan, Hannah .... my UMF crew. I do still keep in touch with a few of these people, but not all. I made a choice to cut certain people out of my life but that doesn't mean they haven't gotten me to where I am.

2 years ago I was just starting at China Middle School ... I can't even begin to tell you how many people - staff and students - changed my life there.

The point I'm going for is this ... I still think about these people all of the time, and I sometimes wonder whether or not I'm thought of. Have I had an impact on people? Do they think back on their lives so far and remember a time we spent together or some thing I did for or said to them? I do, but is it because I'm so emotional and sentimental or is it something everyone does?