What I should be doing right now? Planning my lesson for AP tomorrow.
What I'm actually going to do right now? Commiserate over the stress that is September.
September sounds great ... all year, I think to myself how amazing this month is. The weather is so beautiful (most of the time). I love the smell of school. It's the threshold to fall, my favorite season. And then it actually comes. September is hell.
There are new routines and schedules to learn. There's homecoming to plan, supervise, and survive. I have to learn new names. I have to put up with construction (granted, this is a one-year deal, but if you think it's no big one come spend an hour in my portable with two jackhammers going all. damn. day).
I can't wait for this month to end. I think I like October better. We'll see if that holds up when I get there.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Aloha!
It's ironic that the first thing I could think of for a title to this post indicates paradise and/or vacation. I have enjoyed neither this summer. I haven't been in the opposite of paradise, but I have had next to no vacation at all. Instead, I rather foolishly committed to many, many things that have taken up just about every day of what should have been a well-enjoyed vacation. Here's what I've done this summer:
1. Traveled up an down the east coast so that my Best Friend (ahem, Goddaughter) could visit.
2. Mentored for the writing project at UMaine.
3. Spent a week at an AP institute so I can be prepared for my new class.
4. Spent 1 day at the beach and 1 at the coast.
5. Taken care of things on the home front (Nana, doggy, house, etc).
6. Zumba (okay, okay. That was pretty fun).
I'm not complaining, because it's been joyous to sleep in and spend time away from my classroom. However, I do think I need to make it a priority to do things for myself over vacations. I'm ready for school in some ways - I like having a schedule, meeting new kids, seeing my colleagues. It's just tough to look at the calendar and realize that in 2 weeks I have to go back to school. But, if I survived last year, I can survive pretty much anything!
1. Traveled up an down the east coast so that my Best Friend (ahem, Goddaughter) could visit.
2. Mentored for the writing project at UMaine.
3. Spent a week at an AP institute so I can be prepared for my new class.
4. Spent 1 day at the beach and 1 at the coast.
5. Taken care of things on the home front (Nana, doggy, house, etc).
6. Zumba (okay, okay. That was pretty fun).
I'm not complaining, because it's been joyous to sleep in and spend time away from my classroom. However, I do think I need to make it a priority to do things for myself over vacations. I'm ready for school in some ways - I like having a schedule, meeting new kids, seeing my colleagues. It's just tough to look at the calendar and realize that in 2 weeks I have to go back to school. But, if I survived last year, I can survive pretty much anything!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
8 days ...
School is over for the year in just 8 days. 8 long, excruciating, dull days and I'll be on vacation for a few months. This stretch of school is seriously looking like it will never end. There's so much to do, but I don't have the time, or the energy.
Right now it's a balmy 80-degrees in my classroom, and I'm super tired. It's going to be 90 tomorrow (hello flashback to the first days of the year). If I can make it through tomorrow's heat wave I might have some hope ... I guess we'll see what happens.
With any luck tomorrow will include thunderstorms and loads of rain to cool us off.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Poetry in my classroom
I started a unit on poetry in creative writing today. We read a nice essay by Natalie Goldberg, then played poetry poker. I'm not sure how, but one of the boys in my class came up with quite the poem. About periods. As the kids were rearranging the lines they created from their poker cards, this particular young man waved me over and said, "Ms. D, how would you .... uh, what would you say period smells like?"
I lost it. I mean, yay that he was comfortable enough with me to ask that questions, but ewwww. As a class, after much laughter, we (the 16 girls in a class of 19) decided to tell him iron. He tweaked the poem and we were treated to this:
The Red Storm
It's a dreadful dark storm that smells of iron.
Red ooze for breakfast, ensuing chaos
What an arousing ceremony.
Though I stumble and fear the heavy flow.
Velvet fruit and leaping rain. Oh the aroma!
The slippery red stream was a glorious ceremony.
My day, dare I say week, have been made. Creative writing ... oh dear.
Oh, yeah ... just because we were silly, I ended by sharing this poem with the students.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Connection
I really need to read some of my creative writing kids' short stories, but I'm in the mood to write. And when the mood hits, and there are a few moments to spare, I need to take advantage. So, here it goes.
I started this blog with the intention of making about my teaching life, but lately I've come to the undeniable conclusion that my life and my teaching life cannot be separated. Indeed, they are synonymous. I guess I've always known that being a teacher is about more than just the time in school, and I've embraced that in a lot of ways. But, I got to thinking today about reading people and how, as a teacher and a person, that is so damn confusing sometimes.
So, let me back up. I was talking to another teacher today and he paid me quite the compliment. He basically said that hiring me was one of the better things the school I'm at had done in a while. That I brought new energy and new things. I mean, I definitely think that things started to change when I got my school, but it certainly wasn't all me. I've had the supreme honor of working with a group of new teachers who are fabulous. Our beliefs line up, we are the job, and we do everything we can to kick butt at it. So, anyway, the thing I'm getting at from this conversation is that I do - I think - try to go above and beyond for my work. I really don't do things half way; just not in my nature. One of the things I have to constantly work on and train myself in is the reading of people.
I've always considered myself pretty intuitive when it comes to ascertaining what others are thinking and feeling - I think because I myself am such an emotional person. When I feel it, I own it. So, I can see the signs in other people. As a teacher, I do this all day long. In my life outside school I do it a lot as well. But, it occurred to me today, I'm not as good at it as I think. People are complex.
Yes, I can look at someone and decided whether they're happy or sad, angry or pleased, and lots of other things. And, I can generally tell whether or not someone likes me. I often try to decided what people are thinking too, and I can't.
Isn't it crazy that for every student, friend, or even stranger I can read there's another that totally baffles me? It's both beautiful and frustrating that people are so complex. And, I wonder, how well others read me. I assume that it's easy to know what I'm feeling and thinking, but perhaps just as much as some people confuse me, I evade their understanding.
I don't know ... I just paused today and realized that it's a real source of angst for me when I can't tell what someone is thinking or feeling. Maybe it's because I emote so much and so often and so openly that I expect that of others. It's not realistic, and I know that, but the emotional side of me feels (see, there I go with feelings) that unless we share our emotions, we aren't really, genuinely connected as human beings.
I started this blog with the intention of making about my teaching life, but lately I've come to the undeniable conclusion that my life and my teaching life cannot be separated. Indeed, they are synonymous. I guess I've always known that being a teacher is about more than just the time in school, and I've embraced that in a lot of ways. But, I got to thinking today about reading people and how, as a teacher and a person, that is so damn confusing sometimes.
So, let me back up. I was talking to another teacher today and he paid me quite the compliment. He basically said that hiring me was one of the better things the school I'm at had done in a while. That I brought new energy and new things. I mean, I definitely think that things started to change when I got my school, but it certainly wasn't all me. I've had the supreme honor of working with a group of new teachers who are fabulous. Our beliefs line up, we are the job, and we do everything we can to kick butt at it. So, anyway, the thing I'm getting at from this conversation is that I do - I think - try to go above and beyond for my work. I really don't do things half way; just not in my nature. One of the things I have to constantly work on and train myself in is the reading of people.
I've always considered myself pretty intuitive when it comes to ascertaining what others are thinking and feeling - I think because I myself am such an emotional person. When I feel it, I own it. So, I can see the signs in other people. As a teacher, I do this all day long. In my life outside school I do it a lot as well. But, it occurred to me today, I'm not as good at it as I think. People are complex.
Yes, I can look at someone and decided whether they're happy or sad, angry or pleased, and lots of other things. And, I can generally tell whether or not someone likes me. I often try to decided what people are thinking too, and I can't.
Isn't it crazy that for every student, friend, or even stranger I can read there's another that totally baffles me? It's both beautiful and frustrating that people are so complex. And, I wonder, how well others read me. I assume that it's easy to know what I'm feeling and thinking, but perhaps just as much as some people confuse me, I evade their understanding.
I don't know ... I just paused today and realized that it's a real source of angst for me when I can't tell what someone is thinking or feeling. Maybe it's because I emote so much and so often and so openly that I expect that of others. It's not realistic, and I know that, but the emotional side of me feels (see, there I go with feelings) that unless we share our emotions, we aren't really, genuinely connected as human beings.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
One word
One word and
I'd be yours.
One word and
I'd give you forever.
One word and
I'd be happy.
Make you happy.
Always.
One word and
it would be we.
Not you and me,
not he and she, but
us.
One word and
you could have it all,
my heart
my love
my trust.
One word and
we could be.
I'd be yours.
One word and
I'd give you forever.
One word and
I'd be happy.
Make you happy.
Always.
One word and
it would be we.
Not you and me,
not he and she, but
us.
One word and
you could have it all,
my heart
my love
my trust.
One word and
we could be.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
miss you
i want to be mad at you.
want to scream at you
punch you
hold it against you.
i want to loath you.
need to remind myself why
you
suck.
i want to say mean things to you.
to mean it when i call you a jerk,
an ass,
a typical, self-absorbed, emotionally stunted boy.
i want to make you feel bad.
feel rejected
dejected
neglected
(even in your dreams).
But,
i can't.
two little words -
miss you
make it
impossible. because
i miss you too.
want to scream at you
punch you
hold it against you.
i want to loath you.
need to remind myself why
you
suck.
i want to say mean things to you.
to mean it when i call you a jerk,
an ass,
a typical, self-absorbed, emotionally stunted boy.
i want to make you feel bad.
feel rejected
dejected
neglected
(even in your dreams).
But,
i can't.
two little words -
miss you
make it
impossible. because
i miss you too.
Spring reflections
This time of year - the spring - always manages to make me very reflective about things. I find myself melancholy over endings, excited for beginnings, and just generally very thoughtful about my life. I'm not sure when this started, or why it always seems to happen at the same time each year, but it does. And, let me tell you, being thoughtful makes me tired.
I can't help but think about the things that have happened in the past year. Most people do this at New Year's, but the teacher in me measures years from the end of school to the end of school. So, here I am, enjoying sunshine during April vacation. I'm taking stock of everything I have to be thankful for, but that also means revisiting the things that have hurt. When I finish these kinds of musings, I'm always hopeful, but the process isn't always super fun.
The spring makes me miss my Mom. Her birthday is at the end of April, and then mother's day comes, so ... I mean, that's hard. Most of the time, I'm fine. Most of the time, I miss her, and I don't notice because that's a constant thing for me. But, on special days, I notice because I miss her just a little more. And, it scares me, sometimes, that I can't remember how her voice sounded or what her hugs were like. It never occurred to me, when she was sick, that there would "lasts". A last smile or laugh or hug or kiss. You just don't think about those things, you know? And then, when you try to remember, you can't.
And then, in spring, there are endings. The end of another school year, which brings about goodbyes. This year has been tough professionally and personally, but no matter how tough a class of kids are, they're mine by June and it's tough to let them go. People move on, that's what we do, but it never makes it easier to say goodbye to people who are important. I hope to be able to stay in contact with the people in whom I invest my time and energy, but sometimes life gets in the way and that doesn't work out.
So, all of this could potentially make me sound depressed. I'm not. I promise. A little blue? Yes, I am. But, as with all things, this shall pass. It always does. I can get lost inside my own thoughts, sometimes, and forget about all of the things going on around me and how fantastic those are. I think it's important to stop and take stock of life, and I guess that's what I'm doing. I'm pausing, looking at myself and my life, and deciding what things need to be sent away after spring cleaning. The "baggage" that accumulates in a year needs to be sifted through - most of it isn't worth the storage space. Some if it is, if only to wait and see what comes from it.
I can't help but think about the things that have happened in the past year. Most people do this at New Year's, but the teacher in me measures years from the end of school to the end of school. So, here I am, enjoying sunshine during April vacation. I'm taking stock of everything I have to be thankful for, but that also means revisiting the things that have hurt. When I finish these kinds of musings, I'm always hopeful, but the process isn't always super fun.
The spring makes me miss my Mom. Her birthday is at the end of April, and then mother's day comes, so ... I mean, that's hard. Most of the time, I'm fine. Most of the time, I miss her, and I don't notice because that's a constant thing for me. But, on special days, I notice because I miss her just a little more. And, it scares me, sometimes, that I can't remember how her voice sounded or what her hugs were like. It never occurred to me, when she was sick, that there would "lasts". A last smile or laugh or hug or kiss. You just don't think about those things, you know? And then, when you try to remember, you can't.
And then, in spring, there are endings. The end of another school year, which brings about goodbyes. This year has been tough professionally and personally, but no matter how tough a class of kids are, they're mine by June and it's tough to let them go. People move on, that's what we do, but it never makes it easier to say goodbye to people who are important. I hope to be able to stay in contact with the people in whom I invest my time and energy, but sometimes life gets in the way and that doesn't work out.
So, all of this could potentially make me sound depressed. I'm not. I promise. A little blue? Yes, I am. But, as with all things, this shall pass. It always does. I can get lost inside my own thoughts, sometimes, and forget about all of the things going on around me and how fantastic those are. I think it's important to stop and take stock of life, and I guess that's what I'm doing. I'm pausing, looking at myself and my life, and deciding what things need to be sent away after spring cleaning. The "baggage" that accumulates in a year needs to be sifted through - most of it isn't worth the storage space. Some if it is, if only to wait and see what comes from it.
Revisiting journals
I was revisiting some old journals I had written, and came across this one. It's till particularly relevant despite a whole year having gone by.
I need to find some balance. Not the kind where I don't fall over standing up, although that would be nice as well. I need the kind of balance where I can handle all of the things in my life without feeling as though something is going to give at any moment. That's where I am - waiting for something to fall.
I am a busy, busy girl. I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes all I want is to curl up in my bed with a good book or movie and some ice cream (or cake). There's never time for that, though. Or, if I find a few spare moments for it, I feel guilty using them for that purpose. When I sit and just relax, I find myself thinking about the laundry I could do, the chores Nana needs done, the grading or planning I could get ahead on for school. It's a never ending list, and I don't even have kids, yet. And I do want them someday.
I think part of my problem with feeling so much pressure all of the time is that I overbook myself and I also put too much energy into EVERYTHING, which inevitably means somethings fall to the side. Usually it's my mental health and well-being that get left behind - like right now.
No matter how many times I go through this little cycle (overbooked, underbooked, overbooked), I never learn. I still commit myself to too many things. I try to do it all, and do it all really well. I'm learning to balance my life more. I've learned to say no when I'm doubting whether or not I actually have time. I've learned to make priorities even when everything seems like one. But, I still do too much. Vacation is almost over, and I'm not sure what I've done, but I know that not one day has been spent on the couch with a book or my journal. Errands call, friends must be met, and the house needs to be ready for the impending family Easter. It's exhausting in a lot of ways, but I also can't imagine being any other way.
I need to find some balance. Not the kind where I don't fall over standing up, although that would be nice as well. I need the kind of balance where I can handle all of the things in my life without feeling as though something is going to give at any moment. That's where I am - waiting for something to fall.
I am a busy, busy girl. I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes all I want is to curl up in my bed with a good book or movie and some ice cream (or cake). There's never time for that, though. Or, if I find a few spare moments for it, I feel guilty using them for that purpose. When I sit and just relax, I find myself thinking about the laundry I could do, the chores Nana needs done, the grading or planning I could get ahead on for school. It's a never ending list, and I don't even have kids, yet. And I do want them someday.
I think part of my problem with feeling so much pressure all of the time is that I overbook myself and I also put too much energy into EVERYTHING, which inevitably means somethings fall to the side. Usually it's my mental health and well-being that get left behind - like right now.
No matter how many times I go through this little cycle (overbooked, underbooked, overbooked), I never learn. I still commit myself to too many things. I try to do it all, and do it all really well. I'm learning to balance my life more. I've learned to say no when I'm doubting whether or not I actually have time. I've learned to make priorities even when everything seems like one. But, I still do too much. Vacation is almost over, and I'm not sure what I've done, but I know that not one day has been spent on the couch with a book or my journal. Errands call, friends must be met, and the house needs to be ready for the impending family Easter. It's exhausting in a lot of ways, but I also can't imagine being any other way.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bucket List
I went to lunch today with a student I had my very first year of teaching and her Mom. I love, love, love this young lady. She's so much like me, only more brave, more out there, more creative, more. More in general. She loves the things I love, and I just can't help but smile when I spend time with her and her mother. Anyway, we started talking about something and the term bucket list came up. It's the second time this week I've heard the term, and it got me thinking. What things would make my bucket list? So, I made a mental list, but a few items in I realized I was thinking too small - as in buying a home and getting married/having kids small. I've tried to push all of that out of my mind, and I'm actually starting myself a bucket list. Here it is ...
1. Travel the world. Specifically - Italy, Greece, France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Australia
2. Sing inside Westminster Abbey
3. Visit the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC and/or historical Holocaust sites in Europe
4. Live for a year in a big city (New York, San Fransisco, London, Seattle)
5. Meet Chris Crutcher
6. Get published
7. Learn to play an instrument - probably piano
8. Own a piece of the yellow brick road
It's hard to come up with these things, but pretty fun to imagine them. I'm going to have to revisit this list. I'm liking it!
1. Travel the world. Specifically - Italy, Greece, France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Australia
2. Sing inside Westminster Abbey
3. Visit the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC and/or historical Holocaust sites in Europe
4. Live for a year in a big city (New York, San Fransisco, London, Seattle)
5. Meet Chris Crutcher
6. Get published
7. Learn to play an instrument - probably piano
8. Own a piece of the yellow brick road
It's hard to come up with these things, but pretty fun to imagine them. I'm going to have to revisit this list. I'm liking it!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Romeo and Juliet saved my day
I'm sitting in my last period class right now - of freshman. We finished reading Act I of Romeo and Juliet this week, and it's been painful so far. I'm going on something like my 18th reading of this play. It's not Shakespeare's best work, and I can recite parts of it word-for-word. But, today, we started working on choice assignments for Act I; here they are:
Anyway, I was nervous. I'd convinced myself that this would be as painful as reading the play again. But, they surprised me so pleasantly, I can't believe it. They worked in pairs SO well, and so many of them had actual FUN with the assignment. I haven't gotten to see them yet, so I don't know what the quality will be, but I do know that they laughed and translated and DID THEIR WORK! It's been such a tough year with this group, so when I get days like today when they're respectful, on task, productive, and LEARNING I feel the need to document it. I know in a week or two, I'll need the reminder that it isn't bad all of the time.
Anyway, I was nervous. I'd convinced myself that this would be as painful as reading the play again. But, they surprised me so pleasantly, I can't believe it. They worked in pairs SO well, and so many of them had actual FUN with the assignment. I haven't gotten to see them yet, so I don't know what the quality will be, but I do know that they laughed and translated and DID THEIR WORK! It's been such a tough year with this group, so when I get days like today when they're respectful, on task, productive, and LEARNING I feel the need to document it. I know in a week or two, I'll need the reminder that it isn't bad all of the time.
From a News Story
I used the above story with my creative writing class in an activity on point of view. The story below is what I got from it:
TJ Jones goes to Hogwarts
I wrote this entry with my creative writing class. We were working on using what we know about characters to see how they would react in a situation. Each of us chose a favorite character - one that we know well - and I gave them a situation. They were:
1. If your character is in a realistic book, what would happen if they found themselves at Hogwarts?
2. If your character is from a fantasy book, what would a day at our school be like for them. Here's what I came up with:
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